I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
