Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
