fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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