i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
