Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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