i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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