I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
