I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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