420 ftw
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
