I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
