My first STD was from a foam party
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
