I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
