I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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