It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she told me i tasted like america
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
