hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
