her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
