her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
