Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
