It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
40s are totally the cure
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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