We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
