I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
