I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
