I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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