you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
