guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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