He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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