dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will pee on everything he values.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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