I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
