I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize