if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
