I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize