I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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