Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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