You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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