I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
