i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
