Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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