new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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