when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize