You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
