being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
