Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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