nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
