I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
