I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
