I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
