We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
third nipple confirmed
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
