It's Friday. Sex?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
