Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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