You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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