I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
