Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
