Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
