god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
