Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
