hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
