So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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