Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
