I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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