It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
