Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
