i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
