He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
