Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize