the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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