So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize