you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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