No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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