i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
