Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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