If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
this will be a night to untag.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
