something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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