in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
