I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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