She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
