Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
