Plan B is the new Plan A
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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