I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
