I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pants are for mortals
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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