she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
