Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize