You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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